When Everything Feels like a Should
✉️ Originally shared in my October newsletter 2025— now available here for easy access and sharing.
When everything feels like a should and 3 tips for taking back ownership of your own agenda
October is here, and for many of us that means life is running at full speed trying to keep up, be everywhere, do everything, and show up for everyone. It’s no wonder we end up feeling like we’re not enough, running on other people’s agendas instead of our own. Leaving us slightly drained of energy, low motivation, and a sense of being stuck.
When our minds are full, everything turns into shoulds and musts. Thresholds feel higher, and it’s easier to see problems rather than solutions. We spend most of our energy worrying about what might happen or what others think, or replaying what already did, instead of taking action forward.
It can feel like we don’t have a choice, that everything has to happen and we can’t get out of it.
But we can.
You always have a choice, in how you relate to things and where you place your focus.
So this month, I want to share my three favorite ways to take back ownership of your agenda and create a mindset that supports active, conscious choices.
3 tips for taking back ownership of your agenda
1️⃣ Find small spaces to slow down
A breath. A short walk. A five-minute break. Small pauses interrupt the spiraling. You don’t have to slow down your whole life, just find tiny pockets that create space to breathe and reset.
2️⃣ Focus on what you can control
Try this: write down the thoughts that are spiraling in your mind.
Then sort them into three areas:
What’s outside your control — things you can’t change but might adapt around.
What you can influence — situations or things that aren’t your responsibility, but you could communicate something about
What you can control — your actions, choices, and mindset.
Notice where most of your energy goes and bring it back to what’s within your circle of control.
3️⃣ Change “should” and “must” to “want” and “need”
So much of our stress comes from expectations, our own and others’. Notice how often you use the words should or must, and try replacing them with want or need.
It might seem small, but this shift can turn pressure into curiosity and help you take back ownership of what you want to do, why it matters, and what you need to make it happen.
Whats on my radar
🎧 Podcast - On purpose with Jay Shetty
Episodes:
“Give me 30 minutes and you will never struggle with a decision again”
“Exhausted form being a people pleaser? Use this 0-10 Rule to Say “No” without guilt”
